another day

its been one of those days

all thats on my mind is – you

i’m sitting here in despair

questioning

why you were taken away

wondering

if it will ever get easier

as the tears stream down my face

i’m left living through the memory of you

-XOXO chana

 

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shattered self

change

meant to help one grow and develop

yet you excuse me of changing for the worst

you say I’m different after my trip

all I see is a grown up me

one who has struggled

and grew from pain

you broke me down

shattered me into a million pieces

now I’m sitting here

trying to put myself back together

i’ve tried glue and tape

but nothing seems to work

the only remedy is love

which I have seemed to lost

-XOXO chana

15 Facts About Me

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  1. My name is Archana Baleswaran
  2. I am 18 years old.
  3. I am Tamil. Though born and raised in Canada
  4. I am left handed
  5. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder
  6. I am an introvert
  7. I love to read and write
  8. I am the youngest in my family, with 2 older siblings
  9. I love stationery. On my desk, you can see an abundance of stationery. I am a hoarder ❤
  10. Taylor Swift is my favourite artist
  11. I am not competitive and hate playing sports
  12. My bullet journal is my prized possession
  13. I love making to-do lists
  14. I love tea. tea>coffee
  15. I love having deep and sentimental conversations

appreciation post

This post is dedicated to my parents – my king and queen.

Recently, in June of 2017, I graduated from high school. This could not be possible without the love and support of my family. Especially my parents. These two individuals are what motivate and inspire me to work hard.

My father is the most hardworking person I know. Born and raised in Sri Lanka, my father decided to flee Sri Lanka in his mid 20’s. At that time, Sri Lanka was in the middle of the civil war. He fell in love and wanted a better life for his future family. In order to achieve this, he left his home, family, and friends to come to Canada. Once he arrived, he worked his butt off to be able to sponsor his girlfriend (my mom). Soon, he did so and brought over not my mom but also my uncle and a few family friends. After my mother came to Canada. They got married. At this time my father was working multiple

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part time jobs to support his wife. Eventually, they had children which brought my siblings and I into this world. Even to this day, my father works endlessly to support us – his family. He works multiple jobs just to keep his family happy.

Now my mother. She is one the most nurturing people I know. My mom made the decision to become a house wife and take care of her family. This idea stemmed from the fact that her mother was always working. My mom wanted to be there for her children in ways that her mother couldn’t be there for her. She did everything she could for us. From waking us up in the morning, bringing us tea in bed, picking us up from school, cooking meals and spending time with us.

 

One thing I am certain about is that I would not be the person I am today without my parents. They would sacrifice everything and anything for me. Every day I am grateful that God has given me my parents. Individuals who love and support me and all my crazy decisions. Though I am not going to be a doctor in the future, I hope I make you proud.

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-XOXO chana

ice cream with waldo

This post includes everything I would tell Waldo if I could talk to him again.

If I were to have ice cream with you; we would be talking for hours on end. We would be sitting at Lingam Cool Bar enjoying their delicious ice cream.

There is so much I need to tell you. Every day you’re gone just gets harder. Knowing your gone hurts but that doesn’t stop me from talking to you. I talk to you in my dreams, on bus rides- practically any chance I get.

First and foremost, I regret not telling you one thing when you were here with us on earth. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Every day I regret not letting you in on this secret. Your support and guidance would have given me the motivation that could last a life time.

In April, I decided to open up about this to extended family, such as your brother and my entire school. I ended up doing a Ted Talk in front of my entire school. I spoke about my anxiety, gratitude and you <3. It was such a great experience. I hope you were looking down on me that day. My only wish is that I made you proud, Waldo.

I know that you told me to go to prom and that was my intention. But unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I had bought my dress and paid for my ticket but ended up not going. Why ? you may ask. That was because of drama in my friend’s group and the loss of a friend. But luckily, your girl helped me through it and made me feel better.

Now University. I got accepted into all seven programs I applied to 🙂 And got into my top choice ❤ I want you to know that I couldn’t have done it with out the support and motivation that you have given me. You have always been there when something amazing happened to me. And it hurts that you won’t be here for future moments. I love you more than you know dude ❤

-XOXO chana

the big one – eight

I turned 18 last month! I can finally vote and buy lottery tickets. Time flew by so fast. 18 years have gone by and I still am struggling to get by.

Though my life is not all sunshine and rainbows, it has been fairly alright. I especially need to thank my parents and siblings. I would not be the person or where I am today without them. In my lifetime friends have come and gone, but the one constant in my life has been my family. They are my best friends, my support system, my heart, and soul.

As they say, old is gold. I have come to realize that though growing up sucks, its one of the most beautiful parts of life. We must embrace it.

Cheers to a new chapter ❤

– XOXO chana

P.S – Just look at this birthday cake 🙂

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Current Favourites

Hi everyone, it is time for my current favourites. This list entails everything I have been loving from the past couple of months.

Tim Hortons Iced Lattes

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This has been my go to drink at Timmies for the past couple of months. I am so glad Tim Hortons decided to add this to their menu. Their lattes are available in2 flavors, caramel, and mocha 🙂

The Ranch

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This TV show is a feel good and up lifting tv show! I finished 2 seasons in 5 days.

Samika Vlogs

This family is the cutest! I have been watching them for the past 3 years and I love every second of their videos 🙂

What products or things have you been loving?

-XOXO chana