sad girl hours

just when I am finally

grounded

like clock work

november 8

rolls around

I lose my cool

turning bat shit crazy

living sad girl hours

on repeat

reminiscing about all

that we once had

I picture your face

the one that was

once was a warm reminder of home

now breaks my heart

– XOXO chana

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they all call you names 

but I still think of all your best qualities 

selfless. caring. loving. trustworthy 

you engraved your name in my heart 

and slowly slipped away 

if I knew that night in February, 

would be the last time seeing you 

I would have 

stayed out longer

hugged you harder

admired your face longer 

held you closer longer

-XOXO chana

love

we are all just lost souls 

tryna find love in this

mad mad world 

Love – 

something we all crave and need 

yet it the hardest thing to find 

brings out the best and worst of you 

something we fight for even when we shouldn’t 

this four letter word

holds so much power 

-XOXO chana

good ol’days

I remember the

good ol days

simple hangouts

study dates

laughing for hours on end

with bubble tea in our hands

but now things have changed –

best friend turned stranger

you’ve walked out

of my life

with no explanation

but somehow I remain calm

now all I wish you is

nothing but the best

-XOXO chana

grave.

rest in peace

to what

we had

2 years strong

but in the end

you betrayed

the tiny thread

of trust —

you broke me

now,

I keep

digging up

the grave

of our love

to reminice

all that we

once had

-XOXO chana

guiding star

I still

check up on you

In hopes that

someday soon

you will

come back

home to me

I keep

wishing upon the stars

for you to return

I find my self

talking to the stars

because afterall

you are my guiding star

-XOXO chana

he said she said

they tell her to move on

they say he’s 

a cheater 

but they don’t know him

like she does 

___________________________

She misses 

those stolen glances 

his eyes 

his smile 

his hugs 

those study dates 

___________________________

he once used to call her

with endearing terms 

now he calls her 

crazy 

mental 

psycho

delusional 

-XOXO chana

ajax.

they say

home is where your heart is 

but you stole my heart 

I fell in love

with a Ajax wasteman

now all these familiar places

are shifting to unfamiliar

I feel lost

wandering these lonely streets

without you

-XOXO chana

apologies

when I was losing my mind 

going stir crazy 

stuck in the house 

you told me you would be there for me 

if I needed anything 

you would help 

yet 6 months down the line

history was repeating its self 

and you,

stood there and lied to my face 

told me you didn’t know who I was talking about 

said I should move on —-

I am not stupid 

I caught on very quick 

I noticed the small things 

I many have anxiety and depression 

But my memory is sharp 

I write everything down

to show y’all once all the lies end 

even when I call you out on the lies

you switch the conversation

you smirk

you smile 

you laugh 

y’all are playing with my life

as if I am a puppet 

I am still waiting on a 

sincere apology 

-XOXO chana

eelam

the history of my people

runs in my veins

the stories of inhumane acts

run like a film roll in my head

the legacy of my family & tamils

keeps me going

everything I do is to honour

my blood

the history of tamils

sometimes keeps me up at night

2009 ,

haunts me

my appama and ammama missing in times of crisis

my uncle bombed to death

my aunt left widowed

how do they sleep at night

knowing they took the lives of

hundreds of thousand innocent lives

the war left

thousands of my people

displaced

killed

missing

murdered

sexually assaulted

kidnapped

dead

bombed

raped

how did they get away

with the numerous

war crimes

-XOXO chana