the key

6 months 

since I called it quits 

but I still find you on my mind 

every second of every day 

why? 

your love was

the key to mending my broken soul 

without you 

i feel lost 

i’m walking

down a dark road 

in the desert 

slowly dying 

starving —

craving

your attention 

but all I hear 

is radio silence 

-XOXO chana

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season of sadness

the spirit of 

this wonderful time 

of year is gone 

joy and happiness 

doesn’t fill the air 

instead 

all that surrounds me is

loneliness and despair 

i can’t help but 

grieve the loss of you 

my partner

best friend 

other half 


oh —

i would give 

anything and everything

to have you back 

here 

with me 

this christmas

-XOXO chana  

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dear diary pt.1

MARCH 2019 

Maybe I just care too much or fell head over heels for someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I feel like i’m drowning waiting for his responses. Yet all this man does is joke and tweet. I love him but I hate him at the same time. Who knew love meant staring at your phone every minute waiting to see if he has messaged you back. I know everyone is in cahoots with him planning something. This is exactly what happened last year. Man went awol, I went crazy trying to get him to respond, everyone told me to break it off he was a waste man. Then I go to my psychiatrist appt. and boom he’s there.

Everyone second of the day he is on my mind. Is he okay? Is he hurt? Did he eat? How is he doing?

I put him before my mental health and its something I cant stop.

I go to sleep thinking of him and wake up with him on my mind. The simple things remind me of him. I hear a fast car – him. I cant seem to find any pictures of us together. I privated everything and I am struggling to find any evidence. I swear I wrote everything down. I feel like complete and utter shit.

-XOXO chana

P.S – i’m here for you guys if you ever want to talk

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meet me

meet me at midnight

at the spot we first held hands

6 months sober

from your intoxication

no need for AA

because I got my gyals


you’ve had plenty of time

to own up to your mistakes –

apologize for your actions

reconcile what we had

yet each night

your probably with your bois

doing stupid shit


meet me at midnight

one last time

— XOXO chana

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end.

with every 

passing day 

i lose a piece of myself 

surrounded

by chaos 

and destruction 

the weary path 

i walk 

is leading me astray 

i’m left

drowning in my thoughts 

hoping it all 

e n d s

-XOXO chana

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to the one who got away

though you put me through hell

thank you for being you

thank you for giving me my firsts

first kiss, first boyfriend, first love

in the end you broke me

leaving me to mend my shattered heart

yet,

i wouldn’t go back and change a thing

i learnt a lot from our time together

give your partner the right amount of space

never leave a fight unresolved

but also not to easily trust

not everyone will be by your side

and everything inevitably seems to end

i still find my self checking up on you

now it breaks my heart to say

i may have let the one slip away

maybe next time

me and my anxiety

won’t fuck things up

-XOXO chana

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¿ f o r e v e r ?

you were once

my everything

my light on a gloomy day

i remember

our late night chats

about our future

we talked about ‘ f o r e v e r ‘

everything is

sinking in now

the person I once

wanted to come home to

is now a

distant memory

of the past

-XOXO chana

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would you ?

if I needed your loving

would you comfort me ?

if I needed you

would you drop everything and rescue me ?

if I had disappeared

would you miss me ?

if I was stuck in jail

would you bail me out ?

if I were breathing my last breath

in my final moments

would you rush to pay me a visit ?

if I were gone

would you visit my grave?

-XOXO chana

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breaking barriers

i tore down my wall

wore my heart

on my sleeve

only for you

to come around and

shatter my heart

into a million pieces

i’m left trying to

piece my heart back together

but how do you mend a shattered heart ?

maybe the only remedy

is your love

-XOXO chana

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story of us

i try

my best to

forget the story of us

but somehow

you have a hold on me

here I am thinking of you

when all I want is

to forget you

-XOXO chana

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